Heather Renee

Should I Call Him?

2010-02-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

This is the most frequently asked question when it comes to women and relationships. It is always unnerving when we have to be the ones to call because societal norms make us believe that we should be pursued and not the ones to pursue.

Let’s get down to the answer. Click on the link to your situation:

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

We just met and exchanged numbers; I haven’t heard from him…should I call him?

2010-02-27T12:02:00.000-08:00

First and foremost you need to wait at least 3 days and no more than 7 days to see if he calls you first. If it has been more than 7 days read on…

Before you call you need to ask yourself this question: Do I really want a guy who isn’t interested enough to call me first?

Yes I know what you’re thinking. You are probably justifying it by saying…What if he lost my number? What if he got hit by a bus, or what if he’s tried to call me but couldn’t get through and then thought I wasn’t interested so he threw my number away and is waiting for me to call him…

Yes, the mind will always give you the answers you need to hear in order for you to get what you think you want. (read that sentence again)

Translation: Once you want something deep in your heart, your mind will stop at nothing to give it to you. That’s why we become obsessed with things almost immediately. Like a Bebe shirt at half price or a little puppy in the window. We dream about it, talk about it; make up little stories in our minds to convince ourselves that we need that extra scoop of ice cream.

The truth is…you want to call him! If you didn’t you wouldn’t be reading this blog. But, before you grab your phone and start dialing him up you need to really think about your end goal. You like this guy…but what is it about him that you like? Can you possibly find these qualities in someone else who will actually call you back? You deserve to have the type of man who will give you EVERYTHING your heart desires. But first…you need to make sure you know exactly what it is that your heart desires.

You can’t want to be a size 0 and also want to eat an entire bag of potato chips. (Well you can want both but unfortunately back here in the real world you must make a decision about which one you want the most) If you never decide on what it is that YOU truly want, then you will get a huge pile of slop. Your wants will clash together and cancel each other out so that you end up with a whole lot of nothing.

So again I’ll ask you…Do you want to pursue a guy who isn’t interested enough to call you first?

If you said yes then call him J

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

He cheated on me so we broke up…should I call him?

2010-02-27T12:01:00.000-08:00

Now why in the world would you want to call someone who not only cheated on you, but doesn’t even care enough to call you and beg your forgiveness? Please do not call this man sweetie!!! You deserve better than this.

Now, if he comes to his senses and starts calling you and wanting you back, write me for more advice because there may be hope for him yet. But, if he hasn’t even bothered to call you he SUCKS and you need to move on.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

We’ve been seeing each other for more than 2 months and I’m always the one to call…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:58:00.000-08:00

Okay it sounds like you need a little reality check here. You need to ask yourself the following (2) questions:

1. Do I want a guy in my life that cares enough about me to initiate contact on a regular basis?

2. After you answer that question you need to ask yourself…Is my guy initiating contact on a regular basis?

Now the most important answer is for the first question asked. If you said NO then go ahead and keep calling him. But, if deep down inside you still aren’t happy, chances are that the real answer should have been YES.

If you answered YES to the first question and NO to the second then you should start opening up your options to other potential suitors and slow down on the phone calls to Mr. Clueless.

It is all about you when it comes to finding Mr. Right. Only YOU can determine what a guy needs to do in order to meet YOUR needs. Your definition of Mr. Right may differ drastically with my definition of a soul mate and that is okay because I won’t have to live with your Mr. Right and you won’t have to live with mine. Make sure you identify your list of standards (write them down if you have to) so that you don’t sell yourself short.

REALITY CHECK:

Let’s pretend you are looking for your dream job. You want to be a cartoonist for Walt Disney. Would you get a job at K-Mart as a cashier in the hopes that you could work your way up the corporate ladder in order to realize your dream of becoming an artist at Disney World?

Of course not!!!

So why then, would you settle for a man who does not meet your standards for Mr. Right in the hopes that someday he might magically transform into your prince charming? Please be honest with yourself honey. If you start settling now you are in for a very sad and lonely ride. You deserve to be happy. There is someone special out there for you. If you keep wasting your time with guys who aren’t in your league and can’t or won’t fit into your mold for an ideal mate, then you will miss your opportunity to find the man destined for you. Please take a moment and make a list of all the qualities you want in a man and keep it with you at all times. If your guy isn’t meeting them, you need to keep looking...

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

I got jealous and blew up on him…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:57:00.000-08:00

Why did you get jealous my sweet?

If it was unfounded, meaning you were just having a little temper tantrum then of course you should call him. You should also apologize and make sure you don’t let that ugly little side of yours flare up again.

If, however, it was because he did something that does not fit in with your standards for Mr. Right; you should not call him until he can prove to you that he has changed his evil ways. If he has no desire to change; you need to keep your distance until he realizes the good thing he had!!!

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

I’ve been trying to get over him but he keeps calling, texting, e-mailing…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

The fact that you are asking this question shows that there are emotional ties that have not yet broken. If you call him you WILL get sucked back in. If you really want to get over this guy do NOT CALL until you no longer need to ask if it is okay. Everytime you whisper the question “Should I call him?” just before grabbing the phone, Say “NO!”

You will know when you are ready to give him closure. The biggest sign will be that you no longer cry when you think about him, feel anger, frustration, or any other sense of attachment to him or your history with him.

You can find more details about this subject and answers to many more questions in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

I just want to be friends but he wants more…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

Men are not like women. If a man is just your “friend” it means that he is secretly hoping he can get you into bed and/or date you. Please don’t lead him on. If he has finally found the courage to tell you that he wants more than just friendship you shouldn’t call him unless you are ready to tell him the truth about how you feel. If you don’t want more than friendship you need to make it very clear that it will never happen between you so that he doesn’t get mislead. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. You wouldn’t like it if a guy lead you on would you?

You can find more details about this subject and answers to many more questions in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

We are in a relationship but in a fight right now…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:54:00.001-08:00

Of course you should. If you are in a relationship with this person then you obviously share a common interest in each other. Fights always happen when two people try to form a union. There will always be moments of compromise either by you or your significant other. If you want to continue in a relationship with this person you should call him. No fight should ever be so fatal as to sever the lines of communication between you.

We broke up but I want him back…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:52:00.000-08:00

Short Answer: Yes.

However, there was obviously a reason why you broke up in the first place. If those reasons have not been resolved you really need to be honest with yourself about whether or not you want to rekindle your relationship with this person. Trust your gut. If it is really telling you that you can let bygones be bygones or make the changes necessary to have a healthy relationship then proceed with caution.

You need to remember that you only have control over YOUR wants, needs, and actions. He may not be ready to take you back so prepare yourself for this. If you really want him and believe he is worth waiting for then be loving and kind every time you make contact. You must assure him that you come bearing love. Don’t try to get him back if you secretly wish to hurt him the way he hurt you or if you’re harboring some deep seeded resentments etc. You can never find happiness out of someone else’s heartache. Make sure that your intentions are based on love. True love does not need control. If you really want him back and feel that you love him, it shouldn’t matter if he is not ready when you are.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

I told him never to call me again…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:51:00.000-08:00

Are you sure you want to call him? Why did you tell him to stop calling you? Have those issues been resolved? Be honest!!!! If you are just calling because your ego is bruised and you feel sheepish because he actually listened to you and stopped calling then NO you should not call him. If you want men to take you seriously and give you the respect you deserve, you need to stick to the things you say. Don’t play games with people. If you told him to stop calling you there was probably a good reason behind it. Unless the circumstances have changed significantly for the better you should NOT call him.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

I told him I wanted a deeper commitment (i.e., boyfriend/girlfriend or marriage) and he got weird…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:48:00.000-08:00

Short Answer: Yes.

(Note…you should not be monogamous with a man until they give you a commitment…keep your options open!!! Don’t ask him for more until it has been at least 6 months of open dating. This means that you need to be seeing OTHER people. If he asks you not to see anyone else, tell him you will, but only if you are both monogamous and after he gives you the “title you want.” If it hasn’t been at least 6 months yet, you should not prod him for a deeper commitment because he is still getting to know you.)

Some men are more fearful than others because of family traumas or past heartbreaks so give him time to trust you. If you have become faithful to him because of your values or because you feel guilty seeing other guys at least make him feel as though you aren’t too available. Don’t hang out with him every weekend. Have a regular girl’s night out or get passionate about a hobby. He shouldn’t expect you to be there for his every whim if he hasn’t committed to you.

If you are seeing other people DON’T tell him about them to make him jealous. This will turn him off and make him think of you as a slut. Keep him on his toes and don’t cut off your options until he has committed to you.

If when you ask him for a deeper commitment after 6 months he says “no” then stick it out for another 6 months and ask again. If he still says “no” after 1 year you need to break it off.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

We had a one night stand and I haven’t heard from him…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

Short answer: NO

Please ask yourself this question out loud.

“Do I really want a guy who isn’t interested enough in me to call me first?”

As a woman you need to understand that sex is your TRUMP card. It is the most powerful asset you have in landing a committed relationship. You need to guard it and treat it with respect.

One night stands can be fun. I’ve had more than a few when I was single. You must understand, however, that as a woman you are designed to feel an attachment to a man after every sexual experience. When women are sexually stimulated or experience an orgasm our brains flood with a chemical called Oxytocin. This chemical creates feelings of intimacy and monogamous attachment to the man that we are copulating with. Men have higher levels of testosterone in their brains which counteracts this chemical, but women are not so lucky. Thus, no matter how much we women wish we could "have sex like a man," we are not physically programmed to do so no matter how independent we think we are.

If a man doesn’t have the decency to call you within 7 days of your intimate affair he isn’t worth pursuing. You have made things difficult for yourself by sleeping with him before he got a chance to fully get to know you and woo you the way you deserve to be wooed. If you do talk with him again it will be hard to reestablish your boundaries and get him to date you. He will expect sex from you and you will quickly become his booty call if you aren’t careful.

It is not impossible to recover from the one night stand. However, you must make it clear to your lover that you aren’t interested in becoming a Friend with Benefits (FWB). If every communication you have with him leads to sex, you are greatly reducing your chances for a committed relationship.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

We just had the most incredible date…should I call him?

2010-02-27T11:33:00.000-08:00

If you can just wait until tomorrow you will be much better off. I know you are eager to hear his voice again but the risk you run in calling him late at night is that he may try to persuade you into having a midnight rendezvous. He is a man after all, and if you make it too easy for him, he will push the envelope as far as you’ll let him. You don’t want your magical date to turn into a booty call, so if you can at least wait until tomorrow you will save yourself from undue temptation. Now if you are chomping at the bit and just can’t stand it, try sending him a text or an e-mail. That way you get to express how much fun you had without getting sucked into a steamy bedtime conversation.

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here.

If I didn’t address your situation leave me a comment with your question and I’ll post the answer.

TOP ‘10’ WAYS TO FIND YOUR SOULMATE (Washington, DC)

2009-02-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

In a city of 581,530 people there are truly a lot of fish in the sea. So how do you sift through all of them to find the one that’s right for you? 1^st things first you must determine what type of “fish” you are searching for. Write it down. Keep it with you and constantly read over it to make sure you know exactly what you want. Compare people you already know to your list of standards and see if anyone measures up. Often times the perfect mate has been right before your very eyes but you never even noticed them because you never truly committed to what you wanted.

1. College – if you haven’t yet met the man of your dreams and have already graduated from College consider taking some night classes. Strayer University located on Laurel St. in NW Washington, DC offers Undergrad and Masters Degree programs for working adults. You can meet a potential mate and even further your education while you’re at it.

2. Church – If you are looking for someone of a certain faith, a Church in your respective denomination is another great place to meet Mr. Right. Organized religions often provide a plethora of activities for singles. Be sure to ask if your Church is hosting any upcoming trips or social groups for singles. The CAC of Washington, DC is a Catholic organization dedicated to bringing professional singles together. Their link is:

http://www.dcsinglecatholicpro.org/

3. Friends & Family – You’d be surprised to know how many married couples met their spouse through a friend or relative. I’ve introduced 2 different girlfriends and even my Sister to their current Husbands. Ask your family members, friends, and/or acquaintances if they know someone and let them set you up.

4. Work – If you don’t already have a job you need to get one. You can often meet a potential mate at work and for an added bonus, finally have the cash to pay off your Macys card. Consider yourself lucky to live in the Nation’s Capitol during one of the worst recessions in history. There are endless Government jobs, Restaurants, Museums, and Private Companies to work for. Register today with AA temps located at :

Washington, DC
1010 Vermont Ave. NW, Suite 618
Washington, DC 20005

Online – Times have changed and online dating is becoming increasingly less controversial. In fact 1 in 8 marriages are a result of online dating. I personally have used e-harmony.com and match.com. I preferred e-harmony because it matched me with people better suited to my needs. I met some really incredible men in the process. I’m still friends with several of them to this day. I’m a big fan of online dating. It saves both parties money and time and is much better for your health and well being. The hours you spend drinking at bars and clubs in the hopes of meeting someone special can be better spent in the comfort of your own home really getting to know someone without having to shout at them over the house band. Not only that, but you can weed out the unlikely’s without having to dodge them with frequent runs to the bathroom and fake phone numbers.

6. Pets – If you have pet, chances are you will want to be with someone who shares your interest in animals. Look for groups revolving around your beloved companions. PETCO; located on Connecticut Ave. in Washington, DC, hosts many pet themed events. There are several dog walking communities, pet shows, and social groups in the area. Here is a link to some of the events held in DC:

http://www.dogfriendly.com/server/general/events/eventpast/eventpastDC.shtml

If you don’t have a pet you may want to get one. Not only could they lead you to Mr. Right, but they will keep you company in the meantime J

7. Hobby – Now is the time to acquire that skill you always wanted to learn. Take a cooking class, Salsa or Guitar lesson, go sky diving, join a writer’s group, audition to be the lead singer of a cover band. Think about something that you’ve always wanted to do but could never find the time and/or courage to do it. True soul mates have shared interests; so what better way to find yours than by participating in something you both enjoy? And besides, you just might have fun.

8. Single’s groups – There are 2 major singles groups based out of the Washington DC Metropolitan area. They provide a multitude of activities for professional singles to meet and in some cases even make a difference in the process. Here are links to both of them:

http://www.prosinthecity.com/

http://www.singlevolunteers.org/

9. Kids – if you have children, some of the best places to meet a match are at school functions or activities for your children. There are many divorcees in need of some TLC and your common interest in children could be the magical uniting force. Not to mention the fact that you will be spending quality time with your prized possessions.

10. Routine – It is imperative that you fix yourself up to the best of your ability because you never know when Mr. Right will reveal himself. Stick to a routine. Go to the same coffee shop, same time and day of the week, or grocery store same time and day etc. This way if he happens to see you but doesn’t have the courage to approach you at first glance he will be able to find you again. I’ve met lots of people who met their mate on the bus (having ridden the same route to and from work every day, or at the grocery store, having seen each other every week by so called“chance.”)

I go into greater detail about this subject in my audio book “Tiffany Epiphany, The Modern Woman’s Guide to Marriage.” Download it into your iPod here: